found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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