You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
