you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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