Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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