I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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