So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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