My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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