i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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