Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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