My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have post one night stand depression
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
