I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
