Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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