I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
