I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
