How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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