When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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