I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
