I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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