I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
