are you so shy because you have an std?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
