I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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