I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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