Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
