i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
