Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
