After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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