My room smells like vodka and shame
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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