I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
