Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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