i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
