I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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