Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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