Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
