mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
