she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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