im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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