I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
