All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
