I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
