I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
