I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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