Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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