He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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