i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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