so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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