had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found the puke drawer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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