Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
