I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
