he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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