some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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