note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
