Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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