the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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