mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
