Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
