i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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