ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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