Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
