I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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