I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
