Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
