drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
