trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize