She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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