I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
