How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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