i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
