I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
