I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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