there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
