I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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